Boosting your kid's self esteem

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Raising kids is probably one of the most toughest jobs around because many are never prepared for it, but one that can turn out to be fulfilling. Kids develop a sense of self as they see themselves through the eyes of their parents. Therefore, how you present yourself to and behave before them matters, including your body language, tone of voice, expression and actions.

There is probably no better way of raising kids than being a good parent because our actions and expressions towards kids are more of a natural output of who we are on the inside. Even most of the things advised here will probably better be actualized in the life of a parent so they can be mirrored in the life of a kid.


1. Praise accomplishments


Children will feel proud if you praise their positive accomplishment. It is also advisable to sometimes let kids do things independently because that makes them feel capable and strong. Kids are prone to error just as we the adult: when they do, you can choose to either shout at, insult, or spank, or even advise them depending on who you and what you believe in as a parent. Shouting at kids all the time with loaded statements such as "You are so stupid!" are even more harmful to self esteem than even physical blows. It is this self-esteem they need to get started in trying things that will matter to their life career, talents, and goals later on.

Belittling children by making such unfavorable comments regarding what they do or unfavorably comparing them with other children leave them feeling worthless. Kids should be loved beyond their making of mistakes even though they should grow knowing everyone makes mistakes, but every mistake comes with negative consequences.

2. Track their being good


We all probably had a boss who watched on us and they were good at catching as many moments that we made mistakes. The effect is that it looked like they were always looking for something they can shout at us for. We hated it. More importantly was the reaction: "Will you ever catch me doing the right thing?"

Many people are so wound up in negativity and negative thoughts that all they can notice and use to judge others is the errors and mistakes in life. Do not leave your kids wondering whether you will ever notice the good things they do because you are always noticing what wrong they do. Make a point of adoring the good in them by looking for the good and positive things they do even without your watch. You might see their patience as they play with their peers - encourage it by praising them for it. Always ask yourself what good did I see in my kids today.


3. Don't forget limits and discipline


Parents wonder how they can be balanced amidst all the advice of being good yet not forgetting taking disciplinary actions at the same time. The truth is it matters with what is needed at what moment.

A keen parent will differentiate and discern when rebellion is developing in the life of a kid and when kids just want to be themselves and start their things separate from parents. The later may sound as rebellion to a common starter. Yet kids cannot be with their parents forever and it is your role as a parent to train them how to become independent. 

Some of the most important aspects to instill in children include self-control. With all the excesses in life such as TV, food, and friendships, kids need to learn to independently control their own time in order to get to commit to other things that matter in later life such as education. They should learn by rules when to attend home work, leave TV for sleep, wake up, avoid name calling, and go to play or stop playing.

Discipline kids by way of warning them first and then punishing them if they neglect the warning. Being consistent in it will teach the kid of your expectations.

4. Make time for kids


Kids always need time with their parents: the younger they are the more they need attention. Kids sometimes want to talk to parents about things that bother them or even need to get team skills by engaging in family activities.

Make sure to organize special nights together, attend concerts together, and play together, in addition to discussing matters of the family together. That does not necessarily mean quitting your job as a parent in order to commit all the time to the kids: sometimes it is the little things you do as a parent such as taking them out on a weekend or playing with them in the evening. It doesn't have to necessarily be an official gathering so they can open up about issues that bother them.

In addition to that, be flexible and willing to adjust your parenting style and entrench a culture of communication with your parents. 

5. Be a good role model


The younger kids are, the more cues they take from a parent. Children believe their parents more than they strangers and would rather do what they see their parents do. Studies indicate that kids who hit have an aggressor parent role model at home. Practice respect, friendliness, tolerance and kindness.


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