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These guidelines are from advice by Laurence Steinberg, a distinguished professor of psychology at Temple University in Philadelphia, and are themselves based on several years of research and scientific evidence.
Good parenting is the basis of fostering empathetic, honest, self-reliant, kind, cooperative and cheerful behavior in the child according to Dr. Steinberg. It also helps in multiplying the child's intellect, motivation and desire to achieve and thus protecting them from developing anxiety, depression and antisocial behaviors etc.
One of the most important things to know is that your child's behavior problems are a mirror of the wrong relationship you have with the kid. It happens the same way we adults behave: you will never listen to even a piece of advice or opinion from people you don't have good relationship with for the simplest fact: you don't trust them. We ignore even agreeing with such people.
1. Think before acting:
Many parents act on their gut feelings even though some have better instincts than others. So they are propelled by anger or even excitement, which takes things out of proportion. Unfortunately, children learn by watching and replicate that behavior or simply it affects their relationship with the parent, which worsens parenting. Before acting, ask what you want to accomplish and whether those actions will accomplish it.
2. Is there such a thing as being too loving?
The product of love is not what many term as "spoiling the child". The child becomes spoiled because too many times we replace love with leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions. Show love when it is needed and possessions when needed.
3. Be a part of your child's life:
Sometimes it requires you to rearrange your schedule and sacrifice your time in order to be there mentally and physically for your kid.
However, that does not mean doing your child's homework since that is a teacher's tool to measure the kid's progress.
4. Adapt your parenting to child's needs:
Age affects the behavior of a child. Growing up, he or she will want to do things on his or her own. Your 13-year- old curious and inquisitive girl is now likely to ask more questions and become more argumentative at the dinner table the same way she does at the classroom because of an intellectual growth spurt.
Yet some teenage behavior can signal depression, problems with learning, or bad time management, for example, which requires being solved. The root cause needs to be looked into even with the help of a professional instead of pushing her to do better.
Your eighth grader is easily distracted and irritable, and pushing him further will hurt his self-esteem.
Understanding this will make you determine well enough when to support the child, what amount of help to offer and when to just leave him/her to do it alone.
5. Have rules in place:
The rules applied to the child will shape the rules he or she applies on him/herself later in life. It is absolutely necessary to let the kid learn when and how to do things, although that depends with age. However, micromanaging your child is undesirable.
6. Foster independence:
Independence helps cultivate self-direction and both of these are important in having a successful life. Children push for independence because it is natural to want to control things and you should always never mistake that for rebelliousness or disobedience.
7. Be consistent:
Parents should strive for implementing a consistent disciplinary tool. In other words, children should predict your expectations and non-negotiable as long as they live in your compound.
Lack of consistency causes confusion.
8. Do I need harsh discipline?
The problem is not discipline: it is that many parents still think discipline should be accomplished by way of hitting the child. Others spank kids because their parents spanked them. In fact, Steinberg says you should never hit the kid. Studies show that spanking, hitting or slapping kids is the best way of cultivating bullying, aggression and desire to fight other kids. This affects relationship with peers and even parents.
9. Explain rules and decisions:
In many cases, talking to children can eliminate the need for discipline over minor things. As they grow, they will have the experience where explaining things is unnecessary. Explaining to kids about your actions makes them understand your expectations.
10. Respect your kid:
Steinberg writes that the best way to get respect from a kid is to treat him respectfully. Your child deserves the same courtesies as any other person, for instance speaking him politely and knowing that his opinion matters. In fact, children treat others the way parents treat them and so you can expect that behavior to replicate in them. Besides, respect is a basis for good relationships among children and adults alike.
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